Something Wonderful

I ended up being gone from the blog a little bit longer than I meant to be.  Call it a mental health holiday.  When I wrote last, I had just started a couple of courses of treatment for some of the heaviness and depression that I'd been going through, and I'm happy to say that I'm really feeling much, much better.  I'm grateful to my many friends who have written and called in the last few months to check in on me.

 

Also, I got glasses.

And now I want to tell you about something that's really brought me joy.  Something wonderful.  If you've been reading the blog for a while, you've seen mentions in my other posts about Courtney carrying a surrogate pregnancy.  She's been carrying twins, one boy and one girl.  Last Sunday, June 10th, she was 30 weeks pregnant, which meant there were about 10 weeks left before the due date.  I'd gone out to see a movie with a friend of mine that afternoon, and when I got home, she called to me from the bathroom.  Labor had started.  This was not supposed to happen so early.

We went to the hospital to see if there was anything to be done, and they kept Courtney for observation.  By the time night fell, it was clear that there was no going back.  The babies were coming.  It was a very emotional night.  I was worried for Courtney.  We both were worried for the babies.  But when Courtney's doctor, whom we love and who delivered Ava and Jack, showed up, we felt we were in good hands.  The babies came by c-section at about two o'clock in the morning, and the first sound we heard was a loud, clear cry from a strong set of lungs.

I'm not going to draw this out - the babies have been amazingly healthy and strong so far.  They are both in the NICU still, so that they can grow a little more, but the progress they've made has been remarkable.  They're receiving great care, and we've been up there as much as we can to hold them and be with them.  Courtney is doing great, too.  She took a few days to recover, but is up and feeling wonderful.

The parents came in last week, and they are euphoric about the new members of their family.  They're going to have to travel back and forth until the babies are ready to go home with them - they thought there was still more time, and have things to get ready at home!  This has been one of the best parts of all, this experience that we're sharing with them, this fruition of the great trust that they placed in us, and especially in Courtney.  They are so happy, and it's a joy that we share with them.

In the months since my dad died, I’ve had so many dreams about him.  Sometimes the details are strange, or the face isn’t his, but his voice is always exactly pitch perfect.  That got me to thinking about our first experiences of the world, before we even leave our mother’s womb.  Before we see or hear anything else, we hear the voices of our parents.  Those voices reach such a deep, instinctual part of our brain that they are always with us, for the rest of our lives. I like to think that someday thirty years from now, these twins will have dreams where they hear a baritone voice with a Texas accent. They won’t know why, but it will be something comforting and happy for them.  It will be something wonderful.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 14: Made My Baby a Steak Dinner

Just like the title says: inch-thick ribeyes, cooked medium rare, with baked potatoes and grilled vegetables.  Why?  Because that's what my girl likes.

Not feeling great tonight, but I'll post a wrap-up tomorrow.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 13: Family Photos

One of the best reactions I ever got from Courtney was with a present I gave her on Mothers Day 2008.  Ava was only about 7 months old, and I took her and Blake to have some pictures done of them.  Courtney took one look, cried "My babies!" and loved it.

I wanted to get some new pictures of the kids, but I'll be honest - I just flat ran out of time.  So instead, I printed up an IOU certificate promising her a photo session, either for the whole family, or just for the kids, her choice.  I'll post them in here once we have them done!

Project Valentine 2012, Day 12: Braved the Icy Wilds

Sunday's thing ended up being kind of a punt.  See, when I made my list, I thought that one nice thing to do would be to wash Courtney's car for her.  The bonus of that is that I was going to do it in really short shorts, and put pictures of it on here for laughs.  Cut to Sunday, when it spent all day snowing.  This ruled out not only washing the car myself, but also the sense in taking it to a carwash.  Unfortunately, I also hadn't really made a backup plan.

My salvation came when we noticed that the cupboards were pretty much bare, and it was time to feed the family dinner.  I know this isn't the most romantic thing in the world, and it's not something that focused specifically on Courtney, but I'm going to give myself at least partial credit for going out on really slick roads and getting dinner for the family.  I even took Jack with me.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 11: Recreated Our First Date

Courtney and I went on our first date on February 11, 2000.  We'd already met, and that's a story for another time, but this was our first time out.  She came walking out of the elevator of her dorm, all long legs and red hair, and that was pretty much it for me.  I was in.

We went to Gardski's Restaurant, one of Lubbock's oldest restaurants.  It's nice enough to impress a date, but reasonable enough that it's not intimidating (and you're not out too much money if the date doesn't go well).  I wanted her to think I had good taste in places, so I made sure not to choose a chain place.  While we ate, we talked about what to do with the rest of the evening, and she told me that she wanted to see The Sixth Sense, since she hadn't seen it yet.  Now, in the years since then, she's given me a hard time for taking her to a horror movie on our first date, but it was totally her idea.

I asked her about a week ago if she would go out on a date with me to celebrate a special occasion on the eleventh, and she said that she would, and asked what the occasion was.  This was the moment when I realized that I am the girl in our relationship, for knowing when our date-a-versary is, and for using words like date-a-versary.

We went back to Gardski's, where I embarrassed her by telling the hostess what was special about the day.  Dinner conversation is much different three children later, but all the better, because now we know how hard to come by that time together is, and we have real things to talk about.

Courtney really is not that big on horror movies at all, but she decided (again, HER CHOICE) that we should honor the spirit of the occasion by going to see something scary, so we went to see The Woman in Black.  You guys, that movie is creepy as hell!

As I drove the babysitter home at the end of the evening, I took a moment to think of the things that are different now from on that first date.  First, there's now a babysitter to drive home.  Second, I have no question in my mind about whether or not I'm going to get to spend the night with my date.  Third, I have a far deeper appreciation for what an interesting and unique person my date is.

Two things that made us both laugh:

1. After seeing The Woman in Black, Courtney said that it was like we'd combined Project Valentine and Project Horror.  Aw, she does read my blog!
2. At the restaurant, I told her that blonde twins would be out in a moment to sing "Let's Get Together," and then caught myself and corrected by saying how that had actually happened on the parents' first date in The Parent Trap, not on our first date.  That may have been funnier if you were there.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 10: Made Her a Mix CD

"Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing."

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules."

From "High Fidelity"

I used to make mix CDs for Courtney pretty regularly when we were dating.  Is this a thing that people still do anymore?  In college, we made mix tapes, and then it was possible to burn your own CDs.  Do kids still do this, or do they just share iTunes playlists?

Anyway, the appeal of making a mix for somebody you're dating is severalfold.  First, it has an automatic appearance of thoughtfulness.  Second, it's a chance to make them think that you have good taste, or are at least kind of deep.  Third, they'll think of you every time they listen to it, or maybe even when they hear songs from it in a different context.

When we were dating, I'd try to make sure there were some good romantic tunes on there, but we also had some running jokes that I'd add fuel to with some of the selections, like how I'd always put at least one song by Queen, a group I like and she doesn't.  I would always end the CD with a version of "Dream a Little Dream of Me," which is kind of our song.

The last time I made her a CD, though, was probably before we were married.  I decided just to make this one focused and sweet.  Here's the playlist, which I'm sure at least one of my friends will find something in to poke fun at me about.

1. "I Only Want to Be With You" by Dusty Springfield
2. "I Only Have Eyes for You" by The Flamingos
3. "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event
4. "The Origin of Love" by Rufus Wainwright
5. "When It's Love" by Van Halen
6. "Strong Enough (Live)" by Sheryl Crow, with The Dixie Chicks
7. "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton
8. "I Can't Explain" by The Who
9. "Don't Let Go" by Weezer
10. "Je T'Aime... Moi Non Plus" by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin (I understand that this one isn't exactly a love song, but it is sexy as hell.)
11. "Just Really Wanna See You" by Shudder to Think
12. "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele
13. "I'm Still in Love with You" by Al Green
14. "Femme d'Argent" by Air
15. "Girl Like You" by The Wolfgang Press
16. "She is Staggering" by Polaris
17. "I've Got You Under My Skin" by Michael Buble
18. "(Just Like) Starting Over" by John Lennon

I was thiiis close to ending the CD with "Dream a Little Dream of Me" again, but then I felt like the Lennon song had some special significance to our station in life right now.  It's about making time to reconnect and renew your relationship.

Here's the stupid thing I did, though - I didn't make sure we actually had blank CDs, so she didn't get the CD until today.  She was excited to get it, though!

Project Valentine 2012, Day 9: Got Her a Treat to Have at Work

Yesterday was Courtney's first night back at work in several days, since she'd been on the road for her trip.  I phoned her as I was leaving my office and asked if she would like me to pick up anything on the way home for her to have last night while she was on duty.

Here's what was great about it - she was really surprised and delighted.  She didn't know what to ask for at first, but I could hear the smile in her voice.  Finally she asked if I'd stop by the cold case and get her one of the fruit and yogurt parfaits that she likes.

It wasn't a big thing today, but I was still really pleased with the result, just because the sound of her voice on the phone was so pleasantly (and cutely) taken by surprise.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 8: Massage

Right around New Years, Courtney and I got a new mattress.  It is AWESOME.  How awesome?  So awesome that I just used every text enhancement that Blogger offers when I typed the word awesome, and also made it pink.  So awesome.  The mattress we'd been sleeping on was one that we got along with our bedroom set, just before we were married, so it had been slept on for nearly 10 years.  You know in cartoons how somebody will sit down on an old mattress, and a spring will poke out and go "sproing!"?  Our bed was making that sound.  Now we're sleeping on a Tempurpedic, and it's like having friendly sleep angels lulling you into unconsciousness every night.

The bad part about being so quickly spoiled by our new mattress is that it becomes very hard to go to sleep anyplace else, as Courtney and I have both discovered while traveling in the past month.  When she got home yesterday, four nights in a hotel bed and a crowded return flight had all added up to one really sore back for her.  I think she probably could have put her head down on the pillow and instantly been out, but I wanted to make sure she got a really good night's sleep and relaxation, so I gave her a backrub until she was ready to sleep.

I'm pleased to report that she fell asleep smiling.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 7: Made a Welcome Home Banner

Courtney came home today!  That sound you hear is me heaving a deep sigh of relief.  I wanted her to have something sweet to come home to, but I was also a little tight on time last night because I had to go to a meeting after work.

My mom came over to be with the kids, and I got out some butcher paper, crayons, markers, and stickers for them to work with while I was gone.  When I got back, here's what they'd made with Grammy's help.

I'm pleased to report that she really liked it.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 6: Sent Roses to Her Hotel Room

One time when I was a junior in high school, this girl I liked went on a choir trip to Nashville.  While she was there, I sent some roses to be delivered to her hotel room.  Later, she totally went to the prom with me.  I tell this story so that you can see that even twenty years ago, I was kind of a baller.

(Later, she and I were also in each other's weddings, and our families went to Disneyland together!  So, yeah, the roses worked.)

But this isn't about her, it's about Courtney.  I wanted to send some flowers to her room, but I've had mixed experiences with services like FTD.  Sometimes they get it right, but sometimes the florists they work with do kind of a sloppy job.  Instead, I called the hotel that she's staying in for her conference, and asked for the concierge.  I figured that if there was somebody who would know a good, local place to work with, it would be them.

The concierge's name was Britney, and she was really helpful.  After I told her what I'd like, gave her my billing info, and what I'd like on my card, she assured me that the rest would be taken care of.  Yesterday evening, when Courtney finished with the conference for the day, and went back to her room, I got a message from her thanking me for the gorgeous flowers, along with a picture.

It sounds like it's been a good conference, but I'm awfully ready for her to be home on Wednesday evening.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 5: Cleaned the House

It's probably silly, but the time when I'm absolutely the most motivated to clean is right before I leave on a trip, because I love coming back to a clean house.  I thought that Courtney would enjoy that, too, so I decided that today's thing would be to clean as much of the house as I could.  It's not spotless, but she'll be coming home to something much nicer than what she left.

We skipped church yesterday, because the kids were all really sniffly, and Blake was coughing.  Since we had all of that time at home, I enlisted their help.  After they'd picked up all of their toys and books from the living room and put them away, I Tom Sawyered them into wanting to Swiffer the kitchen floor by telling them how boring it was, and how they wouldn't like having to do it.  Worked like a charm.

With a little more time before she comes home on Wednesday night, I think we can a few more things looking good, too.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 4: Hid Something in Her Suitcase

Courtney left town yesterday morning for a critical care nursing conference in Houston.  She won't be back until Wednesday evening, which makes it a little more challenging to do something nice for her each day.

Sometimes when Courtney travels, she gets kind of nauseous.  Couple that with pregnancy and, well, you can see how it would be even worse.  One thing that's always helped her, though, is sour candy.  On Friday night, when I ran out to get ice cream for movie night, I ducked into Walgreens and bought a card and some Sour Patch Kids.  After the movie was over, I quickly wrote a note in the card and slipped both items into her suitcase while she was in the next room.

I got this text from her yesterday while I was out with the kids.

Success!  And yeah, I put little smoochie smilies in my message.  Deal with it.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 3: Movie Night

First, I have to brag on Blake for a second.  There's a monthly event called the First Friday Art Trail, where different galleries and venues around Lubbock open their doors to the public to display work by area artists.  Last night, one of the galleries had a display of work from All Saints students, and one of Blake's pieces was selected!  It's the Keith Haring-inspired piece right above his head in this picture.

Mrs. Lemon is a really great art teacher.  Blake comes home telling me about the stuff they've learned in class, and it's far more in-depth than anything I was doing in first grade.  Small world - my mom actually taught one of Mrs. Lemon's daughters over a decade ago.

Courtney left town this morning for a critical care conference in Houston, where she'll be for the next few days, so I wanted some time with her last night.  We got the kids to bed after we returned home from the gallery, and I went to get ice cream for the two of us while Courtney chose a movie for us on Netflix.  See, that way I'm romancing her on two fronts - giving her the snack that she wants, and showing her that I'm able to relinquish control of the Netflix queue when it counts.  To her credit, she chose a Steve Martin movie, something that I can always get behind.

I guess there's not too much to describe about watching a movie together.  We sat next to each other, held hands, and enjoyed both each other's company and the ice cream.  When I started to doze off, she'd stick an elbow into my ribs and tease me about being an old man who couldn't stay awake through a movie anymore.  It was nice.  It made me think of when we would watch movies together on my couch back when we were dating, just with lots less making out.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 2: A Day Off Together

I had something a little different in mind for yesterday, but the way that the day turned out was actually even better.  The alarm went off and I started to shower and get ready for work.  As I started to lay out clothes for the day, Courtney asked, "I don't feel very well today.  Do you think you could stay home with me?"  And that's what I did.

We dressed the kids and took them all to school, and then came home and just spent the day together.  We went to our room and spent over an hour talking with each other.  It is really, really nice to have a conversation where you aren't being constantly interrupted by tiny people.

She napped, and I laid beside her, and although it wasn't what I had planned, it was great.  When she'd wake up, I'd check to see if there was anything that she needed.  At the end of the school day, when she usually goes to pick up the kids, I was able to go do that for her.

A short entry today, I guess, because there isn't much to describe, but it was still a really nice day.

Project Valentine 2012, Day 1: Love Letter

First things first: I posted yesterday's blog entry and almost immediately received a pile of messages from friends who were amazed to learn that Courtney is pregnant!  This is my fault.  It's such a part of our lives right now that I sometimes think I must surely be talking and writing about it far more than I actually am.

So here's what's happening... Courtney is almost twelve weeks pregnant with twins right now.  For several years, going back to before Jack was born, she's felt led to become a surrogate, and it's a path that we've been on for a while now.  I've mentioned it on here a couple of times, both directly and indirectly.  I guess that there are a few reasons I've been a little quiet about it overall, though.  First, I've wanted to be respectful of her privacy and of the couple she's carrying for.  Second, just like when it's your own pregnancy, we've been holding off on making an announcement until we felt like it was safe to do so.  The couple she's carrying for is a really fantastic couple, and they're very excited.

Now you can't say that I didn't tell you!

I thought that a good way to kick off two weeks of romantic gestures would be with a good old fashioned love letter.  Like a lot of things in relationships, this is something I used to be much better about back when we were dating, but have sort of fallen out of the habit of doing.  I don't think that a day passes when I don't tell Courtney that I love her, but I wanted to give her something she could hold onto, you know?

I sat down once the kids were in bed, and got to work.  It was harder than I thought it would be, because once I started, I had to self-edit a lot.  I thought of posting the finished letter here, but ultimately decided that it really should just be for her eyes.  I tried to follow a piece of advice I'd seen, though, when I was writing: a love letter should express appreciation of your past, happiness with your present, and hope for your future.  That's what I tried to go for in this letter.

She wasn't working last night, and after a while she looked over and asked, "What are you working on so intently over there?"
"I'll show you in a minute."

I finished writing just as she went to change into pajamas, and she called to me from our room to ask if I'd pour her a glass of milk.  I did, and put the note down beside it.  I didn't want to watch over her shoulder as she read, so I stayed in the next room, but I could tell that she was reading it, because I could hear her starting to sniffle.  She came into the room smiling from ear to ear, and thanked me for her letter.

I'm going to rate Day 1 as a success.

Project Valentine 2012

I have got to get my mojo back.  I just reread the last post I wrote on here: a few months ago, I would have spun that story into comedy, but instead I took it in a sappier direction.  What do I need?  What I need is... a Project.

I made one New Years Resolution this year, and actually it was also kind of sappy.  My resolution, which I have so far only shared with Courtney, was to make her fall in love with me all over again like when we were dating.  This May will mark our tenth anniversary, so I thought it would be a good time to make sure I'm doing my part to keep the homefires burning.

You may not have guessed this from reading my blog, but sometimes it takes a lot of patience to live with me.  I mean, I like to think that I'm a pretty good guy, but I also do stuff like hogging control of the Netflix queue for months at a time or bringing international attention into our lives.  In spite of all that, though, Courtney encourages me and wants me to do what I love.

Here's just one story about why I love her.  With the exception of a few recent additions, my musical tastes are pretty much frozen in the mid to late '90s, when I was in high school and college.  I've never outgrown the all-too-brief Britpop boom, when the world had Pulp, Oasis, and Blur to listen to.  So, when the line-up for this year's Coachella festival was announced, and I saw that Pulp was reuniting, I really wanted to go.  (To say nothing of the many other great acts!  Madness, Mazzy Star, Radiohead, Noel Gallagher, The Hives!  Many, many others!)  At first, this was just idle chatter on Facebook, until my friend Steven hit me right in my vain soft spot with this observation: "You've never been to a music festival?  Going to this and writing about it would make excellent material for your blog."  He and I decided that we would try to get tickets and travel there together.

But I still had to pitch it to Courtney.  I put it in the nicest terms I could, but it still boiled down to, "I would like to ditch you and the kids for a long weekend while I go camp in the desert with my friend, where we will be partying and listening to music.  Did I mention that this will take place while you are five months pregnant with twins?"  And you know what?  She not only told me she was fine with me going, she was enthusiastic about it.  She wanted me to have that experience.  As it turned out, Steven and I immediately got placed in the standby system when it was time to purchase tickets, where we sat for the rest of the afternoon as we watched Coachella sell out.  But still, Courtney was willing to let me go, and that meant a lot to me.

I did a Project Valentine last year, where I watched a different romance movie every day in February.  This year, Project Valentine will be something different.  Every day between now and Valentines Day, I'm going to do something special for her.  Because I don't want to rush these, I'll post each day's project the next day, along with how it was received.  This will be a bit of a challenge, because she's going to be out of town for about 5 of those 14 days, but that just means I'll have to be creative.

Don't worry - this is going to be fun, not schmoopy.  Maybe a little schmoopy.

Look What Danny Remade!

Don't panic!  I know that the page looks different from last time you were here.  But if you remember, I did tell you that changes were in the works.  Let me know what you think of the new design.

The other day, Courtney was telling me about something she'd read on The Bloggess, and I had to stop her to ask if she also reads my blog still.
"Well, yeah, but you posted like two days ago about changes that were coming, and nothing is different yet."
"Yuh-huh!  I have a Facebook fan page now!"

(By the way, I have a Facebook fan page now.  I cannot emphasize enough how personally validating it is for me every time somebody "Likes" my blog.  Please, recommend it to your friends who you think may also enjoy reading Look What Danny Made!)

Little did Courtney know that I was intentionally delaying the unveiling of my new design so that it would coincide with Facebook's unveiling of their truly awful newest round of changes.  By comparison, anything I do is going to look AWESOME!  There are still a few tweaks to be made, and a few more features in the works, but I'm interested in hearing what you think, too.

ALSO!  Your old bookmarks will still work, but you can now reach Look What Danny Made! at our new address - http://LookWhatDannyMade.com

When you register domains through GoDaddy (and probably through anybody else), they try to upsell you with all kinds of additional features for your site, including variations of your address.  For instance, LookWhatDannyMade.org, LookWhatDannyMade.net, and LookWhatDannyMade.info - yeah, I bought them all.  What's funny, though, is that it also tries to sell you domain names with variations of the words in your address.  I actually got a screenshot of it, which I then lost, but here's some of the best recommendations:

• DannyMadeThis.com
• ObserveWhatDannyCreated.com
• SeeDannysFabrications.com

I won't lie - I was really tempted to register Observe What Danny Created, just for the heck of it.  But that ain't my brand, baby.  I'm living the Look What Danny Made! life!

Enter The Danny: Round 5

"To open one's mouth indiscriminately brings shame, and there are many times when people will turn their backs on such a person."  From The Hagakure: The Way of the Samurai

Two words: Muay Thai.

One more word: Oooouuch...

Before I get to last night's class, though, I have some domestic matters to talk about, namely my conversation with Courtney this morning.

"You made me sound all heartless in your blog, like I'm Nurse Ratched or something!"

"That was our conversation, though, nearly word for word!"

"OK, but I wasn't unsympathetic to you.  I reassured you.  And I'm not a tough love nurse.  I just keep it real."

I promised I would clarify that on the blog.  Courtney Holwerda is not heartless, but she will keep it real.  And also she's a very good nurse and wife and supporter.  (That part is from me.)

Class!  Like I mentioned a few days ago, I had something that I couldn't get out of on Monday, so I shuffled my classes a bit this week, at Tony's invitation.  Last night's class was Muay Thai, or kickboxing.  I feel like I'm running out of ways during the project to share the following piece of information: it was hard.  The Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes I've taken so far are difficult because of the amount of physical effort and endurance that they require.  Muay Thai is much more of a cardio workout.  Think about the classes offered at your gym - I'll bet one of them is a kickboxing class, and I'll also bet it has nothing to do with actual fighting, which leads me to the other immediately apparent difference between the two disciplines.  No blows are thrown in BJJ, it's all grappling.  Muay Thai is pretty much entirely punches and kicks.

I've been working with a trainer this summer, and one of the things that he sometimes talks about is the benefit of just making your body stay in motion for 30 uninterrupted minutes.  Just keep in motion.  It's harder than it sounds.  That's what the first part of last night's class was.  We all put on shin guards and gloves and partnered up.  The class started with light sparring, where one partner throws punches and kicks at the other partner's hands, just as a warm-up.  Then we moved to a footwork drill, where one partner went to the edge of the room and worked the heavy bag (sidenote: working the bag has made it clear to me that I throw punches like an anemic seven year-old girl) while the other partner sidestepped around a square ring until reaching a corner, at which point you ran to the center, threw three punches, and stepped back out to move on to the next corner.

The next part of class built on that basic footwork drill.  Four people stood in the center, facing the four corners.  When you reached a corner, you'd run in to the center, throw punches into their hands, and then simulate knee strikes.  Then we did that same thing, but we had to do a pushup each time we reached a corner.  Then we did that same thing, but we had to do a pushup and recover from it by leaping into the air each time we reached a corner.  Car.  D.  O.

Now we came to the part of class where the drills were more focused on technique.  One partner stayed gloved up while the other grabbed pads that strapped onto the forearms.  They looked like these.

The gloved partner then did combination drills of punches and kicks, at Tony's direction, before we switched.  My training partner, JD, wore the pads first.  Then we switched.  I had assumed that wearing the pads would be a bit of a rest.  They'd absorb the blows for me, and I could just stand there and catch my breath.  Wrong!  Maybe you've heard the famous line from John Milton, "They also serve who only stand and wait."  Well, they also workout who only stand and hold the pads.  I quickly learned that just because you're wearing thick pads doesn't mean that you don't still have to brace yourself against strikes from the man in front of you.

Then we took off those pads and picked up something that looked like a padded riot shield, made to protect your front.  The unpadded partner practiced force kicks, where you both kick and push at the same time.  I was standing there with my mouth open like a dope, and the first kick shoved the shield into my face and made me bite my tongue.  This is why I chose tonight's Hagakure quote, and also leads to the lesson I took from tonight:

If you are in a situation where you are likely to be struck, it is best just to keep your mouth closed.

Those are words to live by.

Class ends in much the same way that BJJ classes do, with sparring.  Tony's only rule (aside from fight clean and don't go too hard on each other) is that you can not exchange head blows unless you are both wearing mouthguards.  Neither of us was wearing one, so I got to stay pretty for another day.

You know when you're playing with a little kid, and you wave a hand off to one side of them and say, "See this?" and then you swoop your other hand in and tickle them with it, and say, "You didn't see that!"?  This was my experience, except instead of waving a hand, JD was punching me in the ribs and gut, and instead of tickling me, he was surprising me with kicks to the shin.  And the thing about kicks to the shin is that even with a shinguard on, and even if you manage to guard against the kick a little, they still hurt a lot!  My whole left shin is purple today!

My one really satisfying moment was when I landed what I thought was a pretty solid uppercut right beneath JD's ribs, and his feet left the ground for a second.  My satisfaction was fleeting, because it turned out that his feet were leaving the ground so that he could kick me in two places at the same time.

Back to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu tonight before I'm off to apply hotpacks for the weekend.

Enter The Danny: Round 4

"It is a good viewpoint to see the world as a dream.  When you have something like a nightmare, you will wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream.  It is said that the world we live in is not a bit different from this."  From The Hagakure: The Way of the Samurai

"I don't want to go to class tonight."  You would think that speaking these words to a nurse, a giver of care and compassion, would elicit some sympathy.

"Why not?"  Courtney is the kind of tough-love nurse who forces rehab patients through the hard times.

"I'm still scared about wrestling at the end of class."

"OK.  What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could get choked out again."  To be fair, I only nearly got choked out, but I was fishing for sympathy, which is no time to hold back.

"And if that happens, then what?"

"Then I guess I'd come to, and class would go on."

"Has anybody else been choked out while you've been in class?"

"Not all the way, I don't think."

"Well, then."

Hmph.

To motivate myself a little more, I told Blake that he could join me tonight, and watch class from the spectators' area, the glassed-in office at the front of the school, where there are seats and a ping pong table.  He'd briefly been in there before; a couple of months back when I was working out the details of the project, I'd stopped by the school with all of the kids while I was on the way to someplace else.  Just to make sure he'd be OK for the hour, he brought along his DS and a comic book.  When we walked in, Tony and his wife Kathryn were sitting in front, so I introduced Blake again.  "I remember this one," Tony laughed, "He's one of your fifteen children!"

It occurred to me after my last entry that I'm sure that people who have trained in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for any length of time will read my descriptions of what we do in class and cringe at how poorly I describe it.  I think I can do a pretty good job with last night's lesson, though.  We primarily worked on controlling your opponent's legs and then passing his guard.  What was really exciting about last night's class, though, is that I have finally found a technique that I think I am really good at.

I've been sitting here trying to think of how to describe this maneuver, and I can't, so I'll just say that it involves trapping your opponent's legs, moving him into a position that is so uncomfortable that he'll have no choice but to flip into a turtle position, and then rapidly looping your elbow around his neck and dropping your weight to the floor to force him into a submission.  It wasn't the only move we practiced last night, but it was the one that I was best at.

Blake came through the gym on his way to the bathroom as this move was being practiced on me by my partner, and gaped in horror for a second.  I gave him a smile and a thumbs-up, and he took that as a sign that I wanted him to start a conversation with me.  "Daddy!  I played ping pong with another boy, and then we took turns playing a game on his dad's phone, and then..."  I waved him along, and he got out of the way.

The end of class was approaching, and I knew it would be time to wrestle.  My partner last night was pretty skillful, so I replayed the "what's the worst that could happen" talk in my mind in preparation for what the next few minutes held.  But then we started to grapple, and before I knew it, I found myself in the position we'd just practiced!  I locked down, forced him over, and trapped his head.  What's next, what's next?  Right, drop your weight to the mat.  I did, and he tapped out!

I know that I'm coming dangerously close to sounding like I'm gloating here, and I promise that's not how I mean it.  For what it's worth, that was the only fall that I won against him, and he nailed me down pretty quickly on the next two.  But I still had a moment of real pride.  I had used a thing I learned in class, and it worked!  I didn't get choked out!  The guy bumped fists with me, and said, "Nice one."  I work for a bank, so my life just doesn't have many bro moments, you know?  That fist bump made it worth it, and so did looking back at the office and seeing Blake's face excitedly pressed against the glass.

We Are Not Keeping This

We are not keeping this.
It was an interesting weekend.

Sunday was the second hottest day in the history of Lubbock.  It was so hot that I was frightened even to take my children swimming, which is our normal activity on a hot day.  It was really, really hot.  After a day of staying cool inside, though, the kids needed to air out, so we set up a little splash pool in the backyard and let them play in it after dinner when it was starting to get cooler.

I noticed some movement behind the back fence, and knew it was a stray dog, but didn't pay much attention because it wasn't barking at us or menacing us.  Courtney noticed that the dog didn't go away, so she eventually went to look.  On the other side of the gate was a puppy, so hot and tired that he couldn't make a sound, and covered with ticks from head to toe.  We sprayed him with water from the hose to help him cool down, and he instantly pepped up.

We are not keeping this.

"A new puppy!  Can we keep him, daddy?"
"No, we are not keeping this."
"But we could name him..."
"His name is NO.  We are not keeping this."

Another family someplace is missing him.  They would want him back.  On the other hand, a dog doesn't get that many ticks overnight.  He's been out for a while.  Henry is getting pretty old.  He won't live forever.  Maybe it would be good to have a new puppy for the kids.  On the other hand, don't we owe it to Henry to make his sunset years peaceful?  We are not keeping this.

Courtney took him to the vet on Monday after bathing, scrubbing, and thoroughly de-ticking him on Sunday night.  He's healthy, about 7 weeks old, and is probably a mix of chow and golden retriever or yellow lab.  We put up some posters and put his picture and description on Facebook and some lost dog boards online.  The plan is to give him away if he isn't claimed by Sunday.

Gosh, he actually cleaned up pretty cute.  And he wags his tail when I come outside, and he likes to play with me...  No.  We are not keeping this.  Why is this hard?  I don't even like dogs.  This one brings me joy.  I know it would bring somebody else joy, too, but it wouldn't be so bad for me to keep this bit of joy to myself, right?  No.  We are not keeping this.

I think this may have weighed on me more than it usually would have, because I just recently read a really good story about a lost puppy.

So, that is part of what happened this weekend.  Here is another part, but it's one that comes with some background.  For some time, going back to before we had Jack, Courtney has felt it very strongly in her heart that she wants to be a surrogate for a couple who is unable to conceive.  I had some initial misgivings.  The last time I'd heard or thought anything about surrogacy was back in the late '80s, when it was in the news because there were all kinds of lawsuits and problems surrounding it.  That still shaped my thinking about surrogacy.  She showed me information to relieve those fears, but I still worried.  Although I know that her motivation for doing this is love, there is also some financial remuneration, and I didn't want her to feel like we were commoditizing her body for the benefit of our family.  Above all, I wondered about the emotions involved with carrying a baby, but knowing that the baby will be another family's.  We talked about this a lot.  A lot.  Maybe I was more worried for me than for her, because she's eagerly anticipating the joy that this will bring to somebody else.

Courtney found an agency with a sterling reputation and started the process.  We have both undergone counseling, testing, and meetings.  On Saturday, we met the couple who Courtney will be carrying for.  Both of us were bundles of nerves in the week leading up to their trip to Lubbock.  Would they like us?  Would they feel safe with entrusting this responsibility to us?  Long story short, they are lovely.  They are warm, and interesting, and wonderful.  They are lovely.  For privacy, that's all I'm going to say about them, but the meeting went very well.  We're excited about the part Courtney is about to play in their life, and blessed to have met them.

If you are a fan of Friends, you probably remember the episode where Phoebe's brother and sister-in-law ask her to be a surrogate for them.  Her mother gives a puppy to Phoebe, but only for three days, to show her how hard it is to give up somebody who you have feelings for.

And now you see how the two threads of my weekend tie together.

We are not keeping this.  But I think I'm OK with that.  I want to see the joy on another family's face.

We are not keeping this.