I was having a pretty hard time emotionally earlier this year. In spite of some past experiences that had left me wary about unintended side effects of antidepressants, I went on one. It really did help me. In fact, after a few months, I felt like I was back in a good enough place that I worked with my doctor to gradually decrease my dose, and I took my last pill the day before Thanksgiving. Two weeks later, I can tell you that I'm still doing well emotionally, but the last fourteen days have been incredibly physically challenging. I've been working through cold sweats, vertigo, vivid nightmares, and a feeling like my brain has been hooked up to a shock collar that is set to go off any time I turn my head. The first three things are pretty much gone now, but that last one is still with me, and my doctor says that it may be for a little while. If I'd done my homework when I went on the pills, I might have had more of an idea about what to expect when I came off the pills.
Anyway, I bring all of this up not to troll for your sympathy, but instead to share that I really have a new sympathy for people who are taking steps to remove a drug from their lives. This is an area that I have to admit I've probably been kind of heartless about in the past. I'm also not making any kind of comparison between my situation and the situation of somebody trying to come off of something harder, because I know that there really isn't any comparison. Just... I have an understanding now.
Through some shared connections, I've done a little bit of IT work on the side for the Lubbock Lighthouse in the past. They are an outpatient treatment program that provides methadone and subutex treatment services, in addition to substance addiction counseling. When I called their director and asked if he'd be OK with me coming over to do some volunteer work, he kindly agreed.
I've signed a confidentiality agreement with Lubbock Lighthouse (going back to the IT work) that says I won't disclose anything I witness there, including the specifics of any services that I provide for them. Although I don't think they'd have any problem with me talking about what I did there today, I still want to honor that agreement here. I'll just say that the work I did today wasn't IT-related, it was much more day-to-day office operations related. I worked with a very nice woman who usually runs the front desk, and had an enjoyable hour of helping out during what would normally be my lunch hour, and then headed back to work for the afternoon!
Affirmation Project: Courtney - I love you. You are a wonderful wife and mother.