Posted by Danny at 9:55 PMLabels: Look What Danny Watched, Project Valentine
Now, unless you think I'm all negativity tonight, I'm going to tell you something that I love. I love Netflix. As much as I hate Julia Roberts, that's how much I love Netflix. I love Netflix so much that I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant (to steal a joke from 30 Rock). Ah, but who can disappoint you most? Say it with me: the ones who you love.
I knew nothing about Something to Talk About, aside from the fact that it starred J.Ro., but I added it to my Project Valentine line-up because Netflix had it categorized as a romantic comedy. Really, it's a "romantic" "comedy." No, it's not even really that - I just wanted to make my little quotation marks joke. This movie was neither romantic nor a comedy.
Lest you think I'm exaggerating, I challenge anybody who has seen this movie to point out exactly one romantic scene to me. I'll bet the closest you can come is probably the one where Roberts's character reminisces about losing her virginity, and then the dude she's with makes a move on her, and then they both decide not to take it any further. Even that scene could only be called romantic if you stretch; it's mostly just awkward and depressing. There's no romance in this movie, but more on that in a minute.
There's also not really any comedy. I mean, sure, there's some broad comedy (Ha! Did you see her kick that guy in the nuts?! Whoa! She food poisoned her husband on purpose! Wacky!), but what the filmmakers intended for viewers to take as comedy was mostly just awful people treating each other horribly. Watch the movie's trailer in your DVD extra features, and it contains literally every single "laugh" moment in the movie. The trailer at least has the benefit of editing and background music to punctuate the laughs and let you know they're supposed to be funny. The movie itself presents these as dramatic moments, though, which just leaves you feeling kind of uncomfortable and strange when you watch it.
Having watched the trailer, though, I guess that I can't blame Netflix for categorizing this as a rom-com. That's how it was marketed, and that's even how IMDB lists it. Here's the truth about Something to Talk About: it is a movie about relationships falling apart. The central relationship is the one played by Julia Roberts and Dennis Quaid, but you've also got a longtime marriage falling apart (Roberts's parents), parent-child relationships falling apart (Roberts and her dad, Roberts and her daughter), and friendships falling apart (Roberts and pretty much every member of the women's charity league that she's a member of). Like I said earlier, no romance.
And why are all these relationships falling apart? Like I also said earlier, because they're all awful people treating each other horribly. Husbands cheat on wives, parents belittle children (that is, when they can be bothered to remember they exist), employers needlessly berate employees, friends sleep with other friends' husbands, wives withhold affection and intentionally put their husbands in the hospital, and on and on and on. Seriously, there is not one likable character in this thing, including the kid. Hell, especially the whiny, horribly-accented kid.
I've come all this way without even really telling you what the movie's about. There's a married couple with a kid, the husband cheats, the wife leaves him and makes a big scene about it, people ride horses, and they decide to have a peaceful divorce for the sake of their kid. The end. Now you don't have to see it.
RATING - I give this movie one horse face out of five. Not because there's horses in it, because Julia Roberts is in it.
LESSON - Address the problems in your relationship, don't let them fester until they are beyond repair. Also, avoid exposure to awful people who treat others horribly.