Happy Fathers Day! Love, Murphy Oil Soap


I hope all of you dads out there had a very nice Fathers Day.  How was mine, you ask?  You know, the usual.  It started with the family taking me to breakfast and ended with a phone call to poison control.

Most of the day was very relaxed and nice.  We went to breakfast at one of our favorite places, and then went to late service to see Blake and the other kids who went to VBS last week sing in church.  The afternoon passed quietly, with the kids napping and me enjoying a book on my Nook.  I wanted to take them swimming, but a West Texas dust storm (which seems to be the weather every single day lately) put the kibosh on that.  After a fun BBQ dinner, Courtney had to leave for work, so I began my night shift with the kids.

I had to go to the bathroom.  Now, it didn't feel like I was in there any longer than usual, but maybe I let myself luxuriate on the throne for a few extra minutes, it being my special day and all.  My first clue that something was amiss should have been the fact that I didn't hear the children.

Maybe you remember this about Jack, but he likes to get into things that he's not supposed to.  Since he's not tall enough to reach the light switches, he instead prefers to kill the light in Daddy's eyes, one messy act at a time.  I left the bathroom and immediately smelled oranges, so I made like Toucan Sam and followed my nose.  When I reached the kitchen, I discovered two things.  First, Jack has learned how to defeat the "childproof" latches on our kitchen cabinets.  Second, he had sprayed about half a bottle of Murphy Oil Wood Cleaner With Orange Oil on the kitchen floor, everything else stored under the kitchen sink, and his clothes.  Amazingly enough, there was very little of it on his skin.

As I took him to his room to change him, though, he tried to kiss me (he knew he was in trouble) and I could smell oranges on his breath.  Great.  The lid wasn't off the bottle, so I knew he at least hadn't chugged it down, but I still worried.  A call to Leanne, the friendly poison control nurse, set my mind at ease.  He may have very tangy smelling diapers for the next day or two, but that should be the only aftereffect.

Two things I learned today:
  1. Having the number for Poison Control in your house is a MUST.  If you live anyplace in the USA, the number is 800-222-1222.
  2. Many of my favorite treats are orange-flavored things (orange soda, those chocolate-orange sticks, Dreamsicles).  Apparently, Jack likes orange-flavored things, just like his dad.  What do you know?  We bonded on Fathers Day after all...


Andrea G. said...

It's funny cause it didn't happen to ME! :D I actually made the decision to put all my chemicals on the TOP shelf of my pantry after raising 1 child wholiked to open cabinets as well as hearing the story about Doug swallowing a whole bottle of something when he was a kid.
Third time's the charm, for you huh? Glad Jack was ok! No one can say you don't earn your Father's Day!!

Will Meekin said...

1. i'm relieved the boy is okay. (i'm using "the boy" here not in the "i can't remember his name" sense, but instead as homer simpson does.)

2. can you check out public library books on your nook, and if so, have you? that you cannot with a kindle is the only reason i don't have one yet.

3. you like chocolatey-orange sticks? gross. i bet you like that chocolate orange thing you smash like a yahtzee cup at a frat party too, right?

Danny said...

I like you. You use numbered lists like I do.
1. Nah, I knew how you intended it. I use "the boy" from an affectionate, third-person perspective. It's only ugly when I switch to "boy," in a stern, second-person sense.

2. I can and have! Your local library's program may differ in terms of offerings or availability, but the Lubbock library system does have this. The relatively more open system is what attracted me to Nook over Kindle. I can buy books from B&N, but also from any other source that uses the open ePub standard, which includes the thousands of free titles at Project Gutenberg. When you load a free ePub file to your Nook, you do it using the USB tether. Our library has a small program that you install to your computer, and also requires the tether. You use the program to browse the selections, choose what you want, and then it loads a DRM'd copy of the book to your reader.

3. If it is orange-flavored, especially if it is chocolate and orange-flavored, I want it in my mouth. My mom used to put one of those smashy oranges in my stocking every year. Back when Lubbock still had a Swensen's, my favorite flavor was the Swiss Orange Chip - that stuff is the tits.

Danny said...

PS - re: the Nook and public libraries, there's something I forgot. I have not tried this, but I'm told that there are municipalities that will let you check out ebooks from their libraries even if you are not a resident, for an annual fee. For instance, Philadelphia is supposed to have an excellent selection, and charges something like $15 per year for non-residents.

Ali said...

1. you and will make me LAUGH.

2. i was wondering if there was anything more the two of you could tell me about public libraries and nooks/kindles.

3. my heart just stopped when i read, "Jack has learned how to defeat the 'childproof' latches." your life has just become a little more of a NIGHTMARE, my friend.

4. also? i ADORE poison control - and i don't say that with a single ounce of sarcasm. they're such a CALMING influence. and that's no small feat when you consider that the majority of their clients must be parents worried that their children are facing certain death. (and FYI? regardless of what seinfeld episodes would have you believe, silica gel beads are NOT poisonous. choking hazard, yes. but, not poisonous. *wipes her weary brow*)

Danny said...

1. Mission accomplished!

2. Careful what you wish for, smartypants. Does Amarillo have public libraries, or is it just a back room in the general store? (Amarillo! I just can't help myself!)

3. We found some new ones (which I will be installing this week) that are more advanced. Instead of a physical latch, there are two magnets and a separate key that somehow activates/deactivates the magnets. I will thwart my children the same way I thwart hackers trying to get into my company - with technology!

4. You have homed in on the exact best part of talking to Poison Control. Granted, Jack hadn't swallowed lye or something really awful, but she never lost her cool and she kept me that same way.

Post a Comment

Every comment is like a fresh flower, so please write!