Project Advent, Day 8: Women's Protective Services

UPDATE ON THE PAYPAL BUTTON: Several people reported that the button to make PayPal donations for the Ronald McDonald House dinner wasn't working correctly.  After working on this with PayPal support, it appears to be working correctly, and several donations have come through.  However, some people are still reporting trouble.  If you would like to donate, and the button isn't working correctly for you, please feel free to contact me to set up an alternate method, or just PayPal it to me without using the button.

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I write about my kids a lot, right?  Sometimes, I'm proud of them.  Sometimes, they make me crazy.  In good times and bad, though, I'm always glad to have them.  When you're doing well, it's easy to take for granted the parts of your life that you are blessed to have.

Here is a sad, sad fact about the city I live in.  The Lubbock region has the highest confirmed rate of child abuse per capita in the State of Texas for 2008 and 2009 at 22.7 per 1,000 kids vs. the state average of 10.5 per 1,000 kids.  Nearly 1,200 children were in foster care in the Lubbock region last year.  This hurts me to know.

Since we are in the season of Advent, and since Advent is why I'm doing this project, there's an article that I'd like to share with you, about looking at Joseph as a model of honorable fatherhood.  When he was faced with a situation that was difficult to explain at best, and possibly dangerous at worst, Joseph took heed of what the angel told him.  He loved and raised Jesus as his own son, although he knew that Jesus was not his son, but the Son of God.  How different is our world because Joseph was the man in Jesus's life, raising Him and caring for Him until He was an adult, until He was ready to begin His ministry?

I am no Joseph.  I wouldn't even dare to make that comparison.  But I can try to be a positive part of a child's life.  Tonight I visited the Women's Protective Services shelter for their weekly mentoring night.  Here's a description from their website:

Mentoring

Children are changed by growing up with violence and abuse at home. One of the top 10 ways a child can be changed by violence at home is that they are denied a father and positive role model. Mentoring is an opportunity to make a measureable difference in the life of a battered child. Women’s Protective Services of Lubbock, Inc. is seeking outgoing, dedicated individuals to Mentor at WPS.

What do volunteers do?

Mentors meet every Thursday from 6:00 pm – 7:00 pm and interact with the children that reside at WPS and helping them have fun. Activities range from arts and crafts, board games, movie nights, pizza parties, play basketball, football and go on field trips. Mentors will work with one to a few children at a time.

The focus of the program is to provide a buddy to someone who needs a positive role model at a difficult time in their lives.

An hour of service!  It's like they were trying to tailor-make an opportunity for me to include them in Project Advent!

Courtney was scheduled to work tonight, so I needed someplace to drop my own kids first.  My friend Ann, who I have known for 30 years (!), told me that she'd be happy to babysit if I needed to be kidless for one of my projects, and was very kind to let the junior Holwerdas come join her and her two kids tonight.  My kids were really excited to have an evening to play with John and Caroline, who they are already friends with at church!  Ann gave the kids a really fun evening - they had pizza, did a special Advent craft, and played together.

I'm afraid I have to be a little bit vague on some of the details of tonight's project.  When I arrived at the shelter, I signed a confidentiality agreement, agreeing that I wouldn't discuss anything about the people, situations, or anything else that I heard or saw while I was there, but I think I can still talk about what we did.  Every Thursday, there are activities planned for the kids while their moms attend groups.  The kids were watching Merry Madagascar when I got there, and eating popcorn.  As some of them started to get bored with the movie, I went with them into the playroom, where we played different board games for a while, until the movie ended and the rest of the kids joined us.  We all played together for a while more, and then their moms were coming to pick them up.  The hour passed really quickly.

I'm going to carry this evening with me for a while.  There was a teenaged boy who I was playing Jenga with, and a little girl came and sat in his lap.  I asked if she was his sister, and he said, "No, she just feels safe with me."  I played with another child, and asked their name.  It was the same as one of my children.

Gratitude Project: Be real before God... My heart really hurts tonight.  I was only with these kids for one hour, and I feel like it was literally the very least bare minimum that I could do.  They need and deserve so much more.

But I also have much to be thankful for.  Today, it's something a little silly and maybe even kind of vain, but I got some new dress shoes.  My first new pair of black shoes in nearly five years.  It turns out that having three kids is kind of expensive, so there's not always money for that stuff, you know?  Anyway, I'm thankful that I have the means and opportunity to have some new shoes today.

Be a Part of Project Advent!

Dear Friends,
I've certainly enjoyed Project Advent so far.  If you have enjoyed reading about it, I'd like to invite you to help me out with an upcoming project.

If you are unfamiliar with Ronald McDonald House, here is a brief quote from their mission statement, as given at their website:

The mission of Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC) is to create, find and support programs that directly improve the health and well being of children.

Although there are several charitable endeavors that they are involved in, the Houses are probably what they are best known for.  Ronald McDonald Houses offer an affordable place to stay for families who have to travel to be with hospitalized children.  Maybe they will be there for a night, and maybe they'll be there for months, but the RMHC gives them comfortable surroundings in a very tough time.

Although I have never personally known anybody who had to use RMHC's services, it is still an organization that is special to me.  In 1990, when I was finishing the requirements to earn my Eagle Scout rank, I worked with the administrators of Lubbock's House to plan and perform a service project for them.  My team did three days of landscaping, repairs, and cleaning, and finished it by preparing dinner for the guests.  On Monday, December 19th, I'll be returning to the House and making dinner for the guests once more.

I need to prepare enough food for 40-50 people, and they have requested that it not be pasta or lasagna, as they have lots of people prepare those foods.  The kitchen is a good one, with four ovens, two ranges, and any other necessary appliances, so I have a good facility to work in.  I'm planning a menu of delicious foods that I can prepare myself, so that I can make my budget go as far as possible.

What I need help with is raising money to cover the cost of food. If you can contribute anything at all, I will be very appreciative.  Every cent that you send me will go towards this project.  If I receive more money than I need for the dinner, then I will write a check to RMHC for the extra amount.  I'll even write a blog post to provide an accounting of the money sent to me and how it is spent, so that you'll trust me to be accountable with it.

To donate, just click on the Donate button below to make a contribution through PayPal.  I believe it will show up on your credit card statement as "LWDM-ProjectAdvent."  I will also have this button available on the right edge of the blog until the 19th, so that it's easy to find.

THE FUNDRAISER IS NOW COMPLETE, AND THE BUTTON HAS BEEN REMOVED.  THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME!

Thank you, friends, for helping me make this happen. God bless you!


Danny

Project Advent, Day 7: All Saints Chess Club

Like I mentioned over the weekend, Blake has become really involved with the chess club at his school.  This has been really positive for several reasons.  First, he's made friends outside of just his class.  Second, chess was something special that he used to do with my dad, and he's told me that playing chess makes him think of Papa.  Third, it's really improved his temperament a lot.  He used to get really frustrated and angry when he'd lose a game.  Now that he's playing a couple of games a day, three or four times a week, he takes every win and loss in stride, because it's just one more game.

At the beginning of the school year, I was contacted by one of the other chess club parents to ask if I could help with the club.  The club meets four days a week, during the lunch hour, and attendance is "come as you can."  Once a week, there's a student from Tech's Susan Polgar Institute for Chess Excellence (SPICE) who comes in and works with the kids, but they needed parents in attendance on other days.  It doesn't involve much, just an hour of your time to make sure things are going smoothly, settling questions or disputes, or being an opponent if anybody needs somebody to play with.  I agreed to come in every Wednesday.

When I was just starting to plan Project Advent, I was walking into the All Saints office one Wednesday to get out the chess things, and I stopped to talk to Paige, the chaplain and admissions officer for the school.  We go way back - my first job out of college was as an applications developer for a computer consulting company, and she worked there as a web designer and graphic artist.  (For what it's worth, although her job duties now probably don't call for it as much, she's a really talented designer!)  She asked what was coming up on Look What Danny Made!, and I told her about the idea that I was kicking around.  It hadn't even occurred to me that my weekly visit to school could count as an hour of service for the project until she pointed it out.

I played two games today, one with Blake's good friend Ripon, and another with a boy named Carson, who hadn't been to chess club before.  I've got to hand it to these kids - they're really good, and it's obvious that they practice a lot!  On Monday morning in chapel, the children who had competed this weekend were recognized, and got to present their team trophy to the school, and ever since then, there's been an increased turnout for the club.  There were more than ten kids in there today, when I usually only see about five.

Several moves into my second game today, I looked up at the kid who I was playing.  His face was deep in thought, but he was also really having fun.  I was having fun.  I think that's why I'd never thought about this as service before - it's just a thing I could come and take part in while being with Blake.  But if I'm also helping other kids, and letting them see that there are lots of grownups out there who care to spend some time in their life, well, I think that's a good thing, too.

Gratitude Project:  So far, I've been writing a little bit each day about something that I'm thankful for, and I'm still going to do that in a minute.  If you remember in the post where I introduced Project Advent and also told you about the Gratitude Project that Pastor Craig challenged us with, another one of the things that he challenged us to do was to be real before God every day.

How best to describe this... Lately, when I am in prayer, my heart feels as though it is cleft, literally split open.  There is something God is trying to bring out, and I can't entirely tell what it is yet.  One thing that I've felt clearly led to do, though, is to identify my fears and start deciding how I will face them.  This has been a sometimes troubling task.  Why am I bringing it up here?  I don't know for sure.  I just wanted to put it out there.

Today I am grateful for other people who treat my children with love, whether it's Paige at All Saints, or Holly at Jack's day care.  I'm appreciative of the lessons that they impart to my babies, and for the people that they are helping them grow into.  I'm thankful for Dr. Conser, who keeps them healthy, and worries with us when they are sick.  I'm thankful for Ms. Cathy who teaches Ava's Sunday school class, for Kerri and Morgan who have cared for all my children since they were babies, and for all the other people in our church who help tend to my kids' spiritual upbringing.

Project Advent, Day 6: Second Helpings

Today, I returned to FUMC for another turn at Second Helpings.  Some of the same faces were there from last Thursday, as well as some people I hadn't met before.  There are some folks who come and participate each time, and others who have a certain day of the week that they show up for.  One of the Tuesday regulars is my friend Lee.  I had somebody snap a picture of us together, but it didn't turn out too well.

Lee is a retired Methodist pastor, but, at 83 years old, he still acts as a guest preacher at area churches sometimes.  Courtney and I spent a year in a Bible study class with him and his wife Ruth several years ago, and he always had these really thoughtful, interesting insights into scripture, delivered gently and wonderfully.  He and Ruth always seem to sense the Sundays when I am most frustrated with my children's behavior in church, because those are always the days when they come up to me after service, put a hand on my shoulder, and say, "It's just so special to see parents bringing their children to church with them!"  And, in that way that only grandparents can do, they are able to instantly calm my kids.

But back to Second Helpings...  It's been snowy in Lubbock the last few days, so there was a big turnout for a hot meal today.  I'd estimate that there were between 150 and 200 people there.  Because it was so cold outside, we let people come inside and wait at tables, instead of lining up at the door like usual.  This gave me the chance to meet and talk briefly with some of the guests on my way into the kitchen.

Because the Second Helpings program depends heavily on donations of food, the menu is often a hodge-podge of different things, depending on what's available or what's been donated.  Today, we had fried chicken, chicken fingers, pizza, two kinds of soup, cornbread, hominy, brussels sprouts, salad, and cake. 

My first job today was to prepare a sack of fresh brussels sprouts by trimming the stems off of them and cleaning them before they were steamed.  Now, I love brussels sprouts, but I know that not everybody does.  Doesn't matter - they were one of the most popular items that we served today, because they were good and fresh.  After that, I stayed busy with other jobs as I found them - helping scrub out pans, emptying trash, and carrying food out to the serving tables.  When it was time to start serving, I put on gloves and gave out pieces of pizza and fried chicken to the people coming through the line.

There was this moment, when we'd served maybe a quarter of the people there, when I looked down at the food remaining in my trays, and didn't think there'd be enough to feed them all.  Even once the kitchen replenished my trays with some more food, it didn't seem like everybody would have some.  I was wrong.  There was more than enough.  Loaves and fishes, man.  Have faith.  Feed others and be fed in return.

Gratitude Project: Courtney returned home last night, and I am so glad for her safe return.  I just keep staring at her today, because I'm so happy to see her.  Today I am thankful for my wife.  She knows me better than I know myself.  She is funny and beautiful and interesting.  She encourages me to pursue things that I love.  She puts up with me doing crazy blog projects.  I love her so much.

Project Advent, Day 5: Care Package to Afghanistan

I'd like to tell you about my friend Nathan.  I love him.  We've known each other for almost nine years now.  I couldn't say for sure, but I'm going to guess that he's been deployed or overseas at Christmas time for at least half of those.  Nathan is in the US Army, and works with field artillery.  He takes his job and his duty seriously, but is also one of the funnest people I've ever known.  He takes care of the men in his command.  He counsels them and helps them and protects them.  I think of him as a Warrior in the true classic sense - not just a fighting man, but a thinking man and a learned man, a philosopher.  He is one of the smartest guys I know, particularly when it comes to history and languages.  Nathan's family still lives in Morton, TX, near Lubbock, and he always calls us to get together when he comes through town.  My kids are crazy about him.

He and his wife Paula were two of the first people to meet Blake when he was born in 2004.  You know up above when I said he's one of the funnest guys I know?  Here's us playing ATV polo.

In summer of 2004, when I had lost a job, and was worried about what I was going to do next, Nathan called me up one day.  At the time, he was working several jobs to support himself and Paula while she finished law school, but he treated me to lunch and really encouraged me.

Here's what made me think of him for today's entry: an electronic bulletin board.  I was driving past a school the other day, and saw on their outdoor marquee that they would be dismissed early on December 7th.  I can't see or hear that date without mentally completing the sentence with "a date which will live in infamy."  And that's when I realized that this Thursday will be the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day.  Think of that for a second.  70 years.  That made me think of the military, which made me think of Nathan.  I wrote to Paula to ask if Nathan was someplace where he'd enjoy getting a package for Christmas.  She wrote back to let me know that he is, a couple of things that he would enjoy getting, and where I should send it.

He's living in a tent right now, but has access to a microwave in his office, so we sent a few comfort foods for him to enjoy, as well as a few other items he's asked for.  There's two boxes of instant macaroni, two containers of instant chili, two boxes of water bottle-sized drink mix, three tubes of lip balm, three bottles of hand sanitizer, one can of cashews, and one can of instant coffee.  I wish it could be more, but we perfectly filled the priority mail box with lots of stuff that Paula mentioned Nathan wanting.

I think that Nathan has occasional internet access from his FOB in Afghanistan, so he'll probably see this before the package arrives.  I hope you will enjoy it, friend.  Stay safe, and know that we think of you often.  When I mailed your package today, the man at the post office said, "When you talk to him again, tell him all of us say thanks, and that we appreciate his service."

Gratitude Project: Having friends like Nathan, who serve in the armed forces, makes me think of just how fortunate I am to be the beneficiary of their bravery.  I'm grateful for the freedom that I have because of them.

Project Advent, Day 4: Raking Mom's Leaves

I hadn't ever really stopped and thought about this, but during a conversation with a friend today, I realized that I may occasionally be guilty of presenting the most Christmas newsletter-ready version of my family in these pages.  For today's project, though, I had Jack with me.  Jack has a way of bringing the chaos along with him.  But I'm getting ahead of myself - first look at this picture of my kids being super-adorable before church this morning.  I'm thinking of putting it in our Christmas newsletter.

I just can't help it!

You've heard the old saying, charity begins at home.  I decided to take today's project home, and do something to help out my mom.  As you can imagine, these last few months have been pretty tough for her.  She's strong, funny, independent, loving, and wonderful.  These are the qualities that kept my dad in love with her for over forty years.  I wanted to do something today, even if it was a small thing, to help her out.  Blake was invited to a classmate's birthday party this afternoon, so while he was at that, I took Ava and Jack to my mom's house to rake her leaves.  Here is the unvarnished tale of how that went.

Chapter the First: In Which a Game is Proposed

We pulled up at my mom's house at 1:10.  She wasn't home, but that actually worked in our favor, because the kids could pay attention to the task at hand instead of trying to play with Grammy.  We headed into the backyard, and I started to rake leaves into piles as quickly as I could.  There are several big trees back there, so I wanted to clear as many leaves as we could before we had to leave to pick Blake back up.  I decided that the best way to get the little ones to work with me was to make it into a game.  Parenting!

"We're going to have a contest to see who can scoop the most leaves into a trash can!  I'll even give you a head start, because you can start scooping while I'm still raking!  Ready?  Go!"

"I'm such a smart dad," he thought, as he watched the children hop to the task.

Chapter the Second: In Which Loopholes are Discovered in the Game's Rules

I love Jack, I do.  Look how sweet he is, holding that big rake!  It's just that he is a much different person that I am, and a much different person than I am usually prepared to handle.  If there is one of my children who is going to find the fastest way to turn a situation left, it's him.  (Anybody up for a swim?)  So I should not have been surprised when the game went wrong.  Ava taunted, in the nanny boo boo cadence, "I have more lea-eaves!  In my-eye trash can!"  Jack put his head back, roared, and knocked her can over, spilling it.  "Now I have more!"

I convinced them that they were both still beating me, so nobody needed to knock over anybody else's can.

Chapter the Third: In Which I Really Should Have Seen This Coming

The leaves were all back in the trash cans.  Work was happening at a good pace.  We were going to finish the whole yard before going to pick Blake up.  The kids were even having fun, and I got some good pictures, and then my mom came home and snapped a good one of me with the kids.

Then it was time to empty the trash cans, stuffed so full of the results of our labors.  The kids were even excited to follow me to the dumpster, because they were able to wheel the trash cans through the gate.  And then Jack watched in horror as I lifted the first can and tipped its contents into the dumpster.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

He stood between me and his can, spreading his arms to keep me from it.  "MY LEAVES!  NOT MY LEAVES, DADDY!"

"OK, well you can stay out here with your leaves.  Me and Ava are going to Sonic to get a drink."  Parenting!  And that's when he ran screaming back into the yard, little heart all in turmoil about his leaves going in the trash.

"YOU THREW THEM ALL AWAY, AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE SONIC, ANYWAY!"

He survived, and fell asleep the moment he was buckled into his carseat, and I managed to make it through another day without selling him to gypsies.  Parenting!

Mom called tonight, and thanked us for the help.  It made me happy to have something that we could do for her.

Gratitude Project: It seems like a gimme to say this on the same day that I did something for my mom, but everything I am today is because of my parents.  I didn't have the perspective to see this when I was a kid, but they each brought such different and unique talents and styles to parenting, and I am now able to see parts of each of them in myself.  When I am able to strike up a conversation with a stranger and come away with a new friend, it's because I am Peggy Holwerda's son.  When I am able to make long-term plans and goals for my family, or to do an anonymous act of kindness for somebody, it's because Bob Holwerda is my father.  I love them, and I'm thankful for them.

Project Advent, Day 3: Donation to Christmas Food Boxes

You may remember that when I introduced Project Advent, one of the conditions I laid out was this:

December's a busy month, and I know in advance that I just may not be able to do this every day, so I'm giving myself an out.  I took the amount of my annual salary, divided it by 2,080, and came up with the amount that I'm paid per hour.  To get out of an hour of service will cost me a donation of one hour's pay.

Today was exactly the day that I had in mind when I typed that.  Courtney's still out of town, and Blake had his first chess tournament ever.  He's been excited about this all week long.  I was, too, but, with four rounds of play, it was going to take up a pretty substantial part of the day.  The two younger kids had a special Kids Day Out at church from 9 to 1, and then my mom was kind enough to keep them at her house until the tourney finished.

Blake played well!  He lost his first match, but won the remaining three.  Even though he was playing in the K-2 division, there were some strong competitors, and his 3-1 finish wasn't enough to win an individual recognition.  However, the All Saints K-2 team won first place in that age bracket!  Blake got to bring the team trophy home with him for the weekend, and they're going to present it to their principal during Monday morning's chapel service.

Anyway, between the tournament, picking up the little two, getting them home and fed, and playing with them some before bed, this just was not a day where I could fit the hour in.  Instead, I mailed a check to my church to contribute to the annual Christmas Food Box ministry.  Each year, the church works with the South Plains Food Bank to put together food boxes for needy families in our community.  There's enough food in the box to last a family nearly a week, something especially important at a time when kids are home out of school for the holiday.  The weekend before Christmas is when the boxes are distributed, and I'll be helping with that when the time comes.

If YOU are interested in making a contribution towards these food boxes, you can mail a check to:
First United Methodist Church
1411 Broadway Avenue
Lubbock, TX 79401

Make the check payable to FUMC, and put Christmas Food Box in the memo line.

Gratitude Project: Between Courtney's four nights at work this week, and now her trip, I've had lots of solo time with the kids this week.  I'm starting to reach my frazzle point...  There are some things that I really needed to run to the store and get; nothing big, but it was a trip that would be a lot more simple and pleasant if I could just get out by myself for a few minutes.  I love the kids and, like I said yesterday, we have some really special outings together, but there are times when just the thought of loading them into the car and taking them someplace makes me want to collapse into a quivering heap in the corner.

I called my friends Clay and Marcy (you may remember Clay from when he joined me during Project Horror) and asked if one of them would mind coming over for just a little while tonight after the kids went to bed.  They had a Christmas party to go to, but came to my house afterward, just so I could run out for a while.  This was even though their own beautiful daughter was home with a sitter.  They were so friendly and gracious and cool about it, and insisted it was no big deal, but it really was to me.

I am so thankful to have thoughtful, wonderful friends like these.  I singled out Marcy and Clay by name, but they are only two of the many people who fill my life with the joy of friendship.